Byte Data from Ricky's brain

Consistent Weekly Spending Time

by , on
Feb 6, 2019
Parenting

Background of my parenting style

I grew up in a typical Chinese family, parents busy working to meet the end needs. As of now, I have difficulties in recalling good memories with my parents. That sweet memory seems faded away, and the only understanding that I get is my parents always busy to work. I do have siblings, but due to a high different age gap, we are seldom playing things in “eye-level” (I will elaborate more in the future). So my parenting style is obviously copying most of what I had been through in my childhood. I do realize that the need for building a secure connection to children is a responsibility. Parents are responsible for making a connection with their children. Not only providing physical needs but also emotional needs. Which is why I cultivate habits of consistent weekly spending time with my children. This is what I learned after attending Good Enough Parenting Workshop.

Needs of Children

I was naive, I assume kids only needs little attention when they are 0 – 2 years, and mainly is feeding them. But building emotion connections from a young age is way easier to compare when they older. If I can turn back time, I do want to spend more time with my son when he is this age. Although I personally believe that I do spend enough time with him along these years. Putting effort is essential, especially when they are still young. Because it tends to forget easily, so I have to keep building a good relationship with my son.

Consistent Weekly Spending Time

In the beginning, it is kinda tricky for me to have consistent weekly spending time with my son. I have to make a schedule for this, pick one of the days where we both spend personal time. I choose Tuesday morning since that is the time I can come office slightly late. As I write this article, my son is just two years old. So our spending time consists of having breakfast together, we do play a guessing game, and share over a meal together.

He is quite talkative compared to his age, so lots of times he told me some stories that I do not quite understand. But that is ok because I make sure I really pay attention to what he says and confirming that I listen to him. These habits cultivate healthy emotions to children so that they will have a secure feeling of sharing things to parents. Tips is that remove all distraction (especially smartphone) and maintain eye contact.

What happens if you have two or more children? Take each of them out weekly. This exercise needs to be done individually. Take an example if you have three children. So the father needs to arrange an individual time with each of their kids, so does the mother and it needs to be at different time. Check these articles for more details.

Benefits from Consistent Weekly Spending Time

You would not get the benefit after doing it one time. Cultivate this habit and slowly if you observe your children they will have changes (some children take a longer time, but that is ok. Make sure to keep doing it). You can also do some activity together, remember the focus is to build a relationship. I notice now my son listen more to what I told him. In the past, I have to keep repeating and tend to discipline him due to this. Apart from listening to me, he is often trying to find me instead of keep attached to my wife. The best part is that, when we play together, we really have lots of fun. I always keep reminding me that I need to aim to be a healthy parent, not competent.

Healthy Parenting not Competent

by , on
Oct 21, 2017
Healthy Parenting

Today is the first day that Crystal and me going for a parenting class. We got to know about this parenting class from HOPE Worldwide Malaysia from their website: http://www.hopeww.org.my/gep. When I got the news about this class, immediately I am signing up with Crystal, and we are making sure that both of us able to attend this class. I love the lesson so much, it really teaches me about how to become healthy parenting rather than being a competent one. There are a lot of new things that I learn from today’s workshop and so far below are some personal summary points that I took from the workshop.

Putting More Effort on Relationship, not Behavior Correction

As a parent, it is easy to correct our kids when they are not behaving as what we expected, or perhaps not in a proper manner. Why did I say easy? Because you can take many ways to discipline your kids, such as punishment, verbal correction, etc. But when it comes to relationship matters, it takes significant effort and time to build, not to mention it needs to be done in a lifetime. What I learned is that when my relationship with my kid is deep enough, conveying my message to him is more comfortable. Because they will listen to guidance well. This point really blows my mind as it really does open my horizon as a parent. I want my kid to be successful (who does not??). But the questions will be how well I can get close with my son in every stage of his life.

The speaker brings good insight, many parenting books, the majority emphasizes correcting kids’ behavior. Such as how to make kids listen to you, how to teach them discipline, well, the list goes on. Not many emphasize more on how healthy relationships between parents and children. As a parent, it is common to have a misconception that your relationship is always good, but probably the right question is, what are you nurturing them well? Build a healthy environment around them to ensure they can make the right decision on their own? If you have such questions and looking for an answer, perhaps you might find one from ‘Good enough parenting’ book.

Best gift to children is an excellent marriage

Yes!! Best give to children is an excellent marriage. I have miss-conception about providing the best gift. When I look at my childhood, I always see my father work really hard to bring food on the table, clothes, and educations for me and my siblings. My mom still compares me with my brother and sister, to the point I become numb about it (My brother and sister are well-doing students while mine always gives them a heart attack). One thing that I remember clearly, I seldom see my family having a heart to heart conversation often. Not to mention having an in-depth talk between my parents and me, which is why I find an alternative, which is video games.

I would probably repeat the parenting model from my parents to my kids if I did not attend this workshop. Basically, I will be creating my own self to my son. Coming out from class tonight, it makes me determined to break the circle about parenting model. I decided that I will try my best to create a healthy family environment for my kid, and it start with a great marriage. I really thank God that I can attend such a great workshop.

If you are reading this and hoping to share your great experience or exchange knowledge, make comment on this post.

Good Enough Parenting Workshop 20 October 2017

by , on
Oct 9, 2017
Good Enough Parenting

Looking for a parenting workshop in Kuala Lumpur?

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👪Parenting in the 21st Century can be confusing! As parents try their best to play the crucial role of shaping our next generation – the pillar of hope of our nation – they are bombarded👊🏻 with horror stories of teen suicides, school violence, cyberbullying, sexual abuse, and underage pregnancies and ask questions like,
“How can I keep these problems from affecting my family?”
“Where can I go for help?”
“What if my children won’t listen?”
Good Enough Parenting™ is the answer! Based on extensive clinical experience, the newest research, and in collaboration with the UK’s University of Stirling, Good Enough Parenting™ (GEP) is an evidence-informed parenting program that has already transformed the lives of thousands of families 👪👨‍👩‍👧👨‍👩‍👧‍👦👨‍👩‍👦‍👦👨‍👩‍👧‍👧 around the world.
And will be conducted by John and Karen Louis, the founders of Good Enough Parenting, as well as the I, Choose Us Couples’ Workshop. The Louis are marriage and family therapists, with John being certified worldwide as a Schema Therapist, trained in Manhattan. Louis has trained parenting facilitators from more than 50 countries and conducted conferences, seminars, and workshops on marriage and parenting on almost every continent. John (a Malaysian educated in the UK) and Karen (a native of Texas) are based in Singapore, have been married for 30 years, and have two successful adult children who speak with them when their schedules allow. Their books, Good Enough Parenting and I Choose Us, have been translated into ten languages, have sold more than 50,000 copies, and are available on Amazon.

I got a notification from my church regarding this workshop, and of course, my wife and me signing up this program immediately without any second thought. Being a first-time parent, there are many things that I need to learn, be it how to build a relationship with my wife, or become a good parent for my son, etc. The list seems goes on, but the main concern as a parent, will my children grow in a healthy environment? Am I giving enough to him?

The balance that I want to strike as a parent is that he would not be too spoiled, but at the same time not too harsh as well. I have tons of questions regarding parenting, which is why I think this session will help me not only answer most of my questions, but the main thing is that how to raise my son in a healthy environment so that he can grow and nurture to be an awesome kid. I firmly believe having an outstanding kid is every parent’s dreams.